In response to an email from PayPal requesting funds after they arbitrarily refunded over $600 to someone who purchased an item sold “as-is” on eBay. Anyone who has had unpleasant dealings with PayPal will recognize and appreciate the wording.

Feel free to use this as a form letter response to PayPal if they come knocking. Change it as you see fit. Just don’t post it on your site and claim authorship.

Thank you for submitting notice of your concern regarding the PayPal account in question. As is our policy, your request for funds has been assigned to our Dispute Resolution Center for review and consideration. Your patience in this matter is appreciated as this process can sometimes take 30 days to complete.

In the meantime, please note that records for the account in question clearly reveal that sufficient funds were indeed present and misappropriated by your own Dispute Resolution Center, thereby creating a negative balance. Consequently, your management is accused of causing this negative balance and may ultimately be held fully responsible for those funds and applicable penalties. Collection measures may be employed by our Dispute Resolution Center if you are unable or unwilling to substantiate just and legal cause for this and other financial improprieties of which you have been accused. To avoid collections, please submit a Cashier’s Check for the misappropriated amount to the postal address of record for the account in question, as our office no longer accepts payments through PayPal, for obvious reasons.

While your request for funds is under review by our Dispute Resolution Center, feel free to submit additional evidence that you believe may substantiate your claim, specifically documented reasons for funds mismanagement.

Thank you for your patience during this process.

Note: Please do not reply to this email account as it is not monitored for communications in these matters.

If you have already returned misappropriated funds to the account in question, restoring its rightful balance, please disregard this message.

Sincerely,
Eileen Dover and Mike Easter Hertz
Author by Night Dispute Resolution Team