He’s a policeman, a soldier, a programmer, a farmer, a murderer, a priest and a politician. He is anything that he wants to be. He’s a salesman by day and an author by night.
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Why do they call them hemorroids when they are not near the hem of your garment?
I guess if they’re real bad…
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I used to drink a lot, but I’m not married to her anymore.
It’s easy to overcome a problem when you eliminate the cause.
See? Now you aren’t sure if I’m serious or not.
It’s true. You CAN overcome a problem when you eliminate the cause. 
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We have too many roosters and my wife won’t eat them if I butcher them, but I need the practice cutting off their heads in case our farm is overrun with terrorists.
It’s a good idea, don’t you think?
My wife thinks the idea is strange.
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If you’re gonna do it, burn me after I am dead. If you do it sooner, you’ll get a buildup in your chimney, which could lead to a fire, which would be bad for you.
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This is what it was liKe bEing maRried tô mY ex-wifE frÓm one day to the next. 
The church doesn’t want me but Yeshua does.
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