I wanted a facelift, but didn’t want surgery so I used Preparation-H on my forehead.

I can’t blink.

My neighbor went swimming in his car and died from a stroke.

Shuffleboard would be more exciting if they replaced those sissy pucks with gerbils.

We’d give them little helmets and shoulder-ma-pads so they wouldn’t get hurt.

Cars have attitudes. Small cars have the worst attitudes because they have that small car complex. That’s why they’re more fun to hit.

People who drink too much get a headache and now I know why.
(more…)